I'm not sure if you remember or not - so bare with me if I'm repeating myself - but I am a big believer in kindness, manners. As blunt as I am, as gross as I can be, as far away from ladyville I might reside, I 100% believe in manners, kindness, putting a little extra pixie dust into every day interactions and not straying from that unless someone really, really deserves it.
That's the way I was raised, and I thank G-d for it - because kindness, manners and common courtesy are just about the only things that when you are good at them, you can most definitely, guilt free, get away with feeling above the people who are not.
If you're kind of good at it, but maybe drift into the category of self-involved, self-serving or just selfish every once in awhile ( and of course everybody is those things every once in awhile, but I'm strictly talking to the people that know it's their bad habit, and know enough to want to change it) it takes about a day of practicing to see how much something tiny can change your day.
For example:
I went to the grocery store a few weeks ago, and a girl came up to me and said "oh my G-d, that head band is so cute.. I saw you in another aisle and I thought 'where did she get that? it's so cute!'". Tiny action, didn't take her much to do it, was just about a headband that I had thrown on, but it solidly put me in a good mood for two hours. On the way out of the store, I emptied my cart into my trunk, saw that a lady two cars further down from me had just finished doing the same, and since she was a little older, I went a little further than the norm and asked her if she wanted me to take her cart back with mine. I came home, and off the high got more shit done much faster than usual.
A teeny tiny action, a snowflake, that if paid forward turns into a snowball. It might not seem like much, but I swear to G-d, it's the easiest, cheapest and most consistent way to get yourself out of and keep yourself out of a funk, out of a lack-of-motivation, out of being one of the sleepwalking.
On the other hand, it is much, much easier to point out the ones who have chosen to go the opposite route. The "I have to make myself happy in this world" and the "I am the only star in the movie of my life" people. The people who have had a bad day. Or more than likely, it seems, the people who have stupidly thought of kindness as a weakness, a necessity of the poor or powerless.
These are angry, poisoned and poisonous people - and a five second interaction with them will slow your day down to a screeching halt. They are the people who have taken whatever tiny snowflake of kindness, smooshed it in their hands, eaten it, and then shat blood.
Today, I went to Coffee Bean (big surprise). I walked in, and there was a man ( I almost typed gentleman) in his 40s (oh the shame) standing about a foot in front of the cash register, with his mouth agape, coffee cup already in his hand. He was not speaking to the girl behind the counter, but appeared to be contemplating something. I'm sure something very deep.
The girl, who knows me - looked at the man, mouth still agape, then looked at me. She said something, I didn't hear her because of all the coffee bells and whistles. I leaned in, said "I'm sorry?" and then realized that of course, she knew me, so she was asking if I was having my usual so that the OTHER GIRL could start my drink for me since it takes awhile. (You see, I get a blended drink - when I walked in, there was the girl taking the coffee orders and money, the girl standing in front of the blender for blender drinks, and the girl in front of all the bells and whistles I don't understand for the more complicated hot drinks... I am not that smart, yet I have decoded their elaborate system, somehow).
Just as I'm realizing that she's asking if I should get my usual started, mouth-breather springs to life.
"EXCUSE ME!" he yells at her. "Are you serving ME or are you serving HER?"
His face has contorted into an unbelievable "Ahhh, the retchid serving class" sneer.
She smiles, because it's a pretty obvious misunderstanding she's about to explain, and because, I'm sure, what the fuck else can she do.
"No, I'm definitely serving you," she says,"I just was asking her so that we could get star-"
"Well because that isn't obvious to me," he snarls, face contorting and already pretty fucking proud of himself, "and let me give you a TIP, honey... Generally speaking, the way a line works, you help the person who is first, and THEN you move on to the person that is second."
Then he looks at me, like he's going to get some help. I bug my already buggy eyes at him in my best, considering how shocked I am, "are you fucking kidding me?" look.
"Now I have my cup, I have my lid, and I want a G-ddamn refill."
She says okay, takes the cup, and I am standing there like I did the time the homeless guy came up to me and told me he wanted to assassinate someone named Mark who worked for the governor. He's crazy, I'm going to stare at him as such, but I'm going to let him go because there's no arguing with loony-bin crazy. She hands him back his cup 10 seconds later ( why he stood there, mouth agape for so long for a refill, is beyond me.)
"I'm sorry, sir" she says, smiling and shaking a little.
"Well, that's alright and fine to say. But I just have to teach you a lesson about customer service, because the customer service here fucking SUCKS!"
And with that, he turned on his heel and huffed and puffed his way out of the store.
When I got to her, she was still smiling and shaking a little bit. I did my best - when the manager curiously asked what happened, I told her the guy was an asshole, I repeated to the girl how much I hated people like that, and we briefly reviewed how obvious it should've been that she was just asking me to pass it along to someone to get started, because she knew.
It made me so mad - I drove home kicking myself for not trying to explain to him that she was asking because she knew me, and wanted to pass it along to someone who would actually do the serving, but I was not paying first or getting my drink first by any means. I was also irritated by being reminded that I live in a city where people think how-fancy-you-are should be in direct proportion to how-much-you-treat-people-like-shit. (Which ones are more infuriating? The ones get fancy then bring on the shit, or the ones that think the shit-part will hurry along the fancy-part?)
I also put together in my head an epic string of curse words and insults, some sarcasm ( "I'm sorry sir, it's just, you know, some of us serving-types just have such THICK SKULLS, thank G-d for people like you")... I fucking when what to say comes to me too late, which it hardly ever does which makes it more infuriating, but I comforted myself in knowing that that couldn't have been about her, and there would probably be nothing under the sun that would've stopped him from freaking out about something.
But, again - five second interaction that completely alters my mood, it's just the other way. I've spent a lot of time thinking about this and trying to learn how to control letting assholes like that really poison me, but I'm confident that if I didn't work at it and keep it in my consciousness, I would've gone home cutting people off, not letting the person trying to get into my lane in, and maybe even, if I had let it build on the drive home, picking a fight with my husband. I think a lot of times it's the same as getting a compliment on your headband and therefor helping an old lady bring her cart back, only the opposite, poisonous, negative way.
I made myself feel better, by thinking about that guy growing up in 24 karat gold diapers, driving around a world-killing hummer and not realizing what a moron he is... so I brought myself back to neutral.
Tonight I went on a walk with my husband, and a kid came up and told us what a cute dog we had. Then a lady walking her dog stopped to say hello like she knew us, and spent a good minute giving a funny monologue on the woes of having a barking dog. All has been restored in my public-mood.
The point is, I think everybody to some degree is some sort of weird mirrored mood wring. We can go from blue to black and back again in an instant if we sense it in someone else.
Second point - be nice people, because when you're not, and you're feeling proud about that fact, empowered even, the rest of us just think you're fucking STUPID.
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8 People are Going to Heaven:
What a fucking douchebag. I can't stand people like that...so entitled and uppity. Hopefully you see him again and, accidentally, spill your drink on him on the way out.
Thanks for this post. I deal with the public on a daily basis and there really are assholes out there. I let people's mood affect me greatly. So greatly so that I was denied a raise at work (I ended up getting it about 4 months later). I just started thinking that if people are going to get upset over something so small, they have bigger problems. I've learned to let it go. I have better stuff to worry about. Try to not let it get to you, as my mother would say. Easier said than done, but we keep trying :-)
AMEN!!! Oh, I am so much more than with you on this one. I can't tell you how many times I would've killed for the right words to put someone in their place for being rude and self-centered. Alas, it would do no good. No one can tell them anything.
I just thank God that we have the common sense and consideration to know the world does not revolve around us.
This post couldn't be closer to the truth. I saw a man in the grocery store the other day, complete with a suit and expensive trench coat to make himself look more important. Him and a bag boy who just got off work and had a cup of coffee in his hand, bumped into one another, on accident of course, thus spilling the cup of coffee all over the fancy man. He threw his arms up and gave a look of disgust at the boy. The boy tried to apologize (even though it clearly was no one's fault, just an accident) and he cut him off with something rude and stormed off to the direction of the bathroom. Yeah, I get it. It sucks, but there's no reason to hold it against someone like that.
I completely agree! In the early 90s here (and maybe everywhere I don't know), they were trying to start a week long holiday of being kind to each other - the slogan was something like "Kindness is contagious - Catch it!" It never took off but I always liked the idea. And while I'm not Christian, per say, I do try to live by the "Golden Rule" - I figure its just a good way to be. Plus, karma's a coma.
That being said, I worked in customer service forever and the one thing I learned is that some people are just rude assholes. I think that if everyone had to work in the service industry, then they would be a little nicer to people. But that's just my theory.
This reminds me of the story I heard twice recently about the Law of the Garbage Truck. Something about how some people are like garbage trucks: full of anger, disappointment, frustration, etc. Then their trucks fill up and they need to dump it someplace, and it's dumped on you. Of course we're supposed to smile and wave and wish them well and don't spread their garbage over other people/things in our own lives because successful people don't let garbage trucks take over their day. Not something people with MANNERS don't already know, but it makes for a fun story to think about when you're getting dumped on (or standing next to someone who is)!
However, even if we smile and wave, sometimes it's okay to just THINK about giving the person a swift kick in the heinie.
Amen Sista!! I am so over A=holes. Niceness matters, always.
I can't agree with you more! Some days I want to wear a tshirt at work that says..."If your an asshole...don't bother"
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